What to do with myself....

It's been so long since I posted on here, but I have feelings to express that I just can't with the world watching. See, last week, I got a friend request from an ex. I added him... and my life hasn't been the same. Rob and I were sort of engaged up until about 2 years ago. He has so much going on in his life - middle management for Kellogg's, single parent to a 10-year-old son and two more grown kids, plays in a band - and he is all the way across the country, so it was really hard on me. I just wanted more of his time than I guess he could give. But since that add request last week, I can't stop thinking about him. He makes me feel like the only woman in the world when we talk, I feel beautiful just like I am, and he always tells me how beautiful my smile is. He knows about my past and it doesn't matter to him. My biggest problem is me. Rob is like an addiction for me. I want more of him, more of his time, just more. He could either be the best thing to happen to me, or the worst thing. I could easily see myself losing all focus except for him. And aside from having that happen to me, I am also scared that he doesn't feel as seriously as I have begun to feel. I envision emptying myself out for him and then either having my heart broken or just not caring and continuing on trying to please him. And I don't like that. We were sort of engaged, and by that I mean the words were said and plans starting to be made, but he didn't seem too broken up when I told him that I couldn't do it any more. I don't like the uncertainty of not knowing, but I do like the way he makes me feel. Even the girl I work with says I have a glow about me when I talk about him. I wish I had the faith that all will work out the way I want, then I will be able to just go with the feelings....