Monday, April 4, 2011


Today, after getting on the scale and discovering I now weigh more than when I started my diet, and after discovering yesterday I have split a seam on the side of a pair of pants, I finally went to the Lord and asked Him what I am supposed to do. I actually got on my face on my yoga mat, cats sniffing around me, and gave up on trying to figure it out. And then I went about my day, waiting for some sort of answer. I know my health is at risk, and there are health issues that run in my family, but that doesn't seem to be enough incentive to me. And then I got a text from a friend asking me to pray for her health. I have some people I pray for, but the list grows and grows. And I feel like God is saying to me that He wants me to focus on my health and my prayer life this month. I mentioned (again) that I need money to take care of my needs (not like He doesn't know already) and He said He would take care of them, as long as I did what He told me to do. And so now to take a step out in faith...

Thursday, March 24, 2011


Or maybe is discouragement. Or disillusionment. I don't know. But I know I am not feeling peaceful contentment at the moment. I don't know what to do about a lot of things in my life. I get easily frustrated with people who claim to be Christians but they are skipping down the Primrose Path straight to hell. They are letting anyone who claims to be speaking or prophesying in the name of God, and they don't bother to to check them out, check it against the Word, or listen to anyone that suggests they do either. They rely on their own 'senses' and so not only head down that road, but take baby Christians with them. Stop taking someone's claims that they went to heaven or hell as gospel truth! Joel Osteen doesn't know how to get to heaven! Don't believe someone that claims God wants you to be rich! I just want to shake them! Instead I tend to explode and cry because I can't get through to them. I want to be a solid Christian, not just a good one. I want to check every spirit and teaching against the Word. I want to love them, but also to turn them from the path to hell. And I just don't know how to do it.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Just when I think I want to give up

Yesterday was a rough day for me. I commented on a friend's post and it wasn't well-received. Not to say it was criticized or that I was accused of not knowing what I was talking about. It's just that I went in a different direction than she was asking for, and no one commenting on it understood why I said what I said. Well, I don't know, one person didn't comment on what I had said, so they might have, but considering that person was on the same page as my friend, I don't think she did. Anyway, so I was a bit discouraged by that. Later in the day, after trying to scrounge up $1.10 to get me to and from my probation meeting next week, (still need 80 cents), I posted about how if I don't get a job soon, I am going to just go door to door to all the restaurants I can find and cry until someone hires me. I got some great supportive comments from friends, but then my brother started in on how I should lie to get a job, I should know how to work the system. I don't know if he is irritated by all my postings about not having a job or if I was just the target of his drunken tweets, but it just hurt me even more. I have come to depend on my friends and family for the emotional support I need to get through this difficult time. I had posted in the Bible study earlier that morning, and I know that every time I am writing them or posting, I get attacked emotionally through things like that. But it makes me question if I am doing all that I should, or if I am doing something wrong or posting something erroneous.

Last night, God brought one of my favorite ministry tools to me - the monthly newsletter from the Berean Call. I have found them at times to be strict, but I don't recall a single time when I found them to be Biblically incorrect. The February edition came in the mail yesterday. The cover story is on apostasy and how the occult has invaded the church so very slowly that most Christians are unable or unwilling to call it what it is. This just supported my stand on the first comment I made. Then I went back and read last month's issue, which focused on how we have been deluded to focus on "healing the earth" and the ecumenism that so often seduces us. It is hard for us to remember that the things that bind us to our unbelieving neighbors around the world is that we are human. We may share the same emotions and sinful nature, but that is where the similarities end. Why? Because we are a chosen race, called by God to separate ourselves from this world. If you yoke yourself to a dead ox (spiritually dead persons), then that ox is going to drag you down, and eventually turn your neck to where all you are focusing on is the dead ox and its properties. You are more likely to give up on what you originally started and go where the dead ox is. Like it or not, the church has become the frog that is slowly being boiled by the slow integration of ungodly at best, outright satanic at worst rituals, beliefs and principles into the body of Christ. Still I went to bed feeling just as heavy.

Then this morning I watched Joyce Meyer. She was talking about being obedient and how if we walk in obedience 2 things will happen. First, not everyone is going to "get" you. You will be met with opposition and possibly lose some of your moderate Christian friends. That definitely helped, but I also find it to hurt for more reasons than just losing friends. I am called to a women's ministry, and I want all my girls to be led into a deeper filled life with God. But again, some people don't understand what really is Good for them yet. That will take time and God to do that. The second thing she said would happen when leading a life of obedience is that you will gain favor in all areas of your life. God Himself knows I need favor for a job, because there are too many qualified individuals without criminal records looking for work these days. But He will also supply my needs as I need them. She also reminded me that if I am living a life of obedience to God, I will not be able to do some things that others can do. "Others May, You Cannot." I will have to find that and put it in a note on my FB page.

The last thing that has lifted me and confirmed that what I have been doing is the correct thing was todays Bible verse on the ADF  Facebook page. Titus 2:11-15 ~ "For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men, instructing us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age, looking for the blessed hope and the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Christ Jesus, who gave Himself for us to redeem us from every lawless deed and to purify for Himself a people for His own possession, zealous for good deeds. These things speak and exhort and reprove with all authority. Let no one disregard you."

God always gives us what we need, when we need it.