Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Frustrations and limitations

It has been a difficult couple of months. So much has happened in my extended family I don't know what to do. Jessi delivered Christopher Luke 7 weeks early, going into labor during the hour and a half drive home from the baby shower I gave here. He spent the first 5 weeks of his life in NICU, and we had some times trying to get him to eat so he could come home. He finally came home last week and nobody's life has been the same since. Jessi still calls me daily to check in and give me an update, or to ask what she should do in a situation, such as him not sleeping well at night,

Stewart came close to meltdown point, frustrated with his dead end job and lack of social life. But a few talks with me and one with my Mom and he has decided to look into schooling in another field. He feels better most of the time.

Dad has been having some serious dizzy spells since his surgery to remove the blockage in his carotid artery. Some days he is fine, some days he doesn't move much. He is getting older and not doing well. Mom hangs in there as best she can.

Christopher's father and Jessi are having some issues. I think if they tried communicating with each other more, they have a great opportunity to make a wonderful life for him. Jessi's boyfriend Kenneth genuinely loves her and Christopher, but he doesn't want to stand between Christopher and his dad. I am hoping that over time they can learn to parent together.

Last week, my car died. Not really died, but the suspension is shot. it is going to cost $1000 to fix it. The lead I had on a place that will help me get a car fell through completely. butch and Lynn have really helped me ever so much over the past year with repairs and making payments, taking me places when I needed to go, and I am now driving their car. but Butch needs the car because his truck needs some repairs. He has been having a rough time of it, and my having the spare car is a hardship on them.

I am so frustrated I could cry. I don't have any money saved for a down payment, I am right now living from paycheck to paycheck, not even making enough to pay the $300 a month rent to my uncle... I don't know what to do. I haven't even got an idea on how to buy a car. I am tired again of the way things are here, I wish I could just go back home and live with my mom to save up money, but there's just no room. :(

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