Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Eyes Wide Open, I Think....

So there's this guy.... and how many times have rough patches started with these words? But anyway, there's this guy. His name is Scott. Scott lives just north of me, about an hour I guess. Scott and I met on Facebook through a group for one of the games we play. I should probably say I play - he doesn't farm any more. We've been friends for a few weeks now, and it looks like we're gonna have our first date this weekend. I'm driving up there, he's paying for the gas. This came about tonight on a webcam chat. Scott has his problems. He's been very up front with me about some of them. He got a DUI last fall when he totaled his truck that his dad had bought him. Since then, he says, his life has gone downhill. He has been married 3 times, and his daughters don't appear to have much to do with him. He says he is crap to them. He has a lot of pain in his life, and as a result, he drinks all weekend. he says he doesn't really drink during the week, but he was pretty sloshed tonight on cam. He does work, works hard, makes good money. But as soon as he punches the clock at the end of the work week, he starts drinking and doesn't stop until bedtime on Sunday.

Scott is attracted to me, not sure what it is yet. And he's a good looking man. Yes, I am attracted to him. But there are some interesting things happening. First, he says he is looking for a reason not to drink. I am not foolish enough to think that I can stop his drinking, or that I will fill the void in his life so that he WILL stop.  Second, he smokes pot. Again this is something that he says he does to fill the void in his life. He says he doesn't have a problem not doing these things when I am around, and he says he will be just fine functioning when I can't come up there and be with him. I am not so sure about that. But that is neither here nor there at the moment. Another thing he is looking for me to fill is the intimacy void. He is often talking about me laying my head "on the S" (he has a Superman symbol tattooed on his chest), he want's someone to hold. And yes there is the innuendo, so I am aware that sex could come into play.

So here's the thing. I have also talked to Scott briefly when he is sober. I like him. He is far too quiet (very shy, he says) but he is respectful and seems to regret some of the things he says when drunk. Nothing really offended me, just worried me at times because I had no idea what he was mumbling or got upset at. (That happened once or twice, but he got over whatever it was pretty quickly.) There is something inside him that attracts me. It's not the money he sort of waved under my nose (I'll pay for the gas to come see me, I know how to make a woman feel like a princess). It's not the neediness he has, admitting to trying to fill a void with alcohol and pot. There's something under all that, just a little light in there. And that light is part of what attracts me to him.

Scott has decided we need to chat more via webcam before we meet. I am perfectly ok with that. I am hoping that he will see that people see inside him  and not just the surface stuff. Thought the teeth thing is a bit hard to miss.

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